My grace story is one with many twists and turns and is scattered with leaps forward and shoves back. It's a story that ultimately leads me to realizing that what I personally can do for my life is nothing in comparison to what God has for me.
Though for a long time I have been a believer, I used to be more of a fan than a follower. I observed and considered what God wanted me to do, but I stood on the outside looking in rather than fully submitting to what God had for me and living it out. I was halfway in and halfway out. I knew God was good and had a plan for my life, but I couldn’t fully commit to the idea that what he had for me right now was better than what I could create for myself through my own actions and understanding.
I finally decided that something needed to change. I no longer wanted to be temporarily fulfilled with what I thought were the answers to my happiness. I didn't want to live the shallow, prideful, and meaningless life I was living. I wanted the deep, wide, and eternal peace that only GOD can provide. I wanted to live with purpose. I wanted God to use me for HIS glory.
For the past year or two, I have not lived a bad life in terms of being a “good Christian”. didn’t commit the outward sins we hear about most, but at the core I was relying on myself. I was doing things to glorify ME, and my identity was in things other than God. I saw God as someone to consult, rather than the person in control.
Upon discovering my mentality of living partially for God and all for me, which got me nowhere, I decided to surrender.
I’m now surrendering my identity as a runner, my identity in how I look, and all the other parts of life that pull me away from God…so I can be closer to God. I surrender my gifts, my voice, my thoughts, and all the good things in my life to God. All of it. Good and bad. I am surrendering every single day.
This last month and a half has brought some of the most challenging times of my life, yet I have never felt so at peace and fulfilled as I do now. I pray daily that God would use me as a light to those around me, and that he would give me the right words to say. I pray that God would use me to glorify HIM and that I wouldn’t focus on things that glorify myself. Again, I surrender.
It is amazing how much weight is lifted when you allow God to carry the load. I am definitely a work in progress, but each and every day I am waking up with the intention of glorifying God and surrendering ALL of me, to Him. I can feel God on the move in my life, and I am so excited to continue growing in my faith and living out HIS purpose for me.